I've had quite a few game ideas for a while now, but my artistic ineptitude has routinely kept me from starting anything. I've been stuck with "easy-to-implement test games" which I very quickly lost motivation for.
"Everything looks better up in my head so I'll keep it all up there."
This stupid mindset had several terrible effects on my productivity and self-esteem. I could never properly express myself. I got angry at myself for not following my dreams.
"What good are these stories if I can't do anything with them."
"I have a bunch of skills that don't help me."
"If I can't draw, I'll never be a good game director."
"All I have are ideas."
Of course, the same goes for writing. My writing skill is limited and I only really feel comfortable writing in a particular type of voice (not one suited for scriptwriting or storyboarding, mind you).
So, nothing ever really got done with these ideas. I couldn't even accurately convey them to other people. Somehow, my self-worth got tied to these stories, so you can probably guess the effects of all of that.
In short, I was lonely and unfulfilled.
This semester, I decided I wanted to do something about it. It wasn't a strong conviction or anything. Actually, I think it was a rather weak sentiment, more useless than a New Year's Resolution.
"I want to make one of these games."
I didn't have a plan. Really, the only shred of hope I had was this Game Programming class I registered for. Even then, it wouldn't even really help me conquer my obstacles: this course focuses on CS topics like AI, Networking, scripting, and engines... stuff that would only be valuable knowledge for me if I ever got past the drawing board.
I've only had one class and I think this might be a turning point in my life.
My first day of this Game Programming class has already inspired me to start and we haven't even learned anything yet. We mostly talked about our final project: a complete video game. I think the presence of a hard deadline and the promise of regular checkpoint evaluations has given me the inspiration to get started. The game isn't due until May something-th, but for once I want to dive right in.
I don't have a romantic story about how I started making games. It's almost kind of lame if you think about it. I haven't broken through any limits to get here. No magical revelations, no life-changing pep-talks, no once-in-a-lifetime opportunities.
Only a deadline.
...And as for those obstacles, I intend to break the fuck through them with sheer will.
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