What is Muv-Luv really about? (Very light spoilers)

My first real foray into Japanese media was Umineko no Naku Koro ni. When I read Umineko (the first half), I thought it was the best thing I had ever read. Nothing had ever made me think like Umineko did -- it was so bizarrely meta and classic at the same time that it really commanded my attention. I was always thinking about it.

Then CLANNAD became my favorite story ever. However, by this point I knew that it was possible for a better story to come along and take this place. CLANNAD doesn't command the industry in terms of quality. There are other stories which are just as good, and stories in the future that will take its place in my heart --- CLANNAD was just the one I would designate as my favorite.

I always had the philosophy that there wasn't one story that completely stood above the others -- a story that could not be surpassed in the present or future.

---- Then I read Muv-Luv Alternative.

From a mathematical standpoint, I understand that it's always possible for Story X to be surpassed by Story Y.

My heart sincerely doubts that it's going to happen. (Don't get me wrong -- I'd love to see this happen! But I'm not counting on it.)

Muv-Luv Alternative is, in my mind, the absolute pinnacle of Japanese storytelling. It's the game that ruined anime for me.

It's so good it makes me angry. 

(Describing specifics would require me to delve into spoiler territory, so I'll leave it at that for now.)

Naturally, I want to share this with my friends. It's the best story to come out of the anime industry, so why wouldn't I?

Of course, this is really hard to communicate to others. I've tried to tell my friends to read this story, but alongside the doubt comes one question --

"What's it about?"

Sometimes this is a pretty easy question to answer. CLANNAD is about family. Little Busters! is about friendship. Fate/stay night is about ideals. For Muv-Luv, I had more trouble.

You might think Muv-Luv is a mecha story. It's not -- the mechs are just a pretense.

The game acts as a deconstruction of the harem genre of Japanese anime. I wouldn't call this the focus of the game, though.

The game markets itself as "a tale of love and courage." This is certainly true, but there's more.

Some say it's about how humans choose to live and how they choose to die. Again, this is certainly a main theme, but there's more.

Muv-Luv Alternative is a story about the human spirit. 

This game is really brilliant in that it discusses this in both macro and micro scales. We see a race of people that are almost completely subjugated by an alien species but fight on anyway because they have to. We see how people fight and how they hold themselves with dignity in the face of the apocalypse. We see how people pass on the wishes of the deceased and how they give their lives to protect what truly matters to them.

We see a young man repeatedly get shit on by fate. We see him driven to the absolute ends of sanity, only to be beaten to the ground because of his very existence. We see him stand up, every time, and fight on because he has to protect her. 


Muv-Luv Alternative masterfully captures the human condition and that's what makes it insurmountable as a story.

It's been over a year since I've read this and I'm still waiting for a story to handle this topic better than Muv-Luv did 10 years ago.

Schedule

I need to find a way to force myself to work on creative stuff. Right now most of my free time is dedicated to FF11.

A friend told me that the best way to force yourself to keep a schedule was to involve other people. It's one thing to let yourself down, but it feels really terrible to let down others that are relying on you.

I'm thinking of writing a webcomic to get into this habit. If I don't make new posts twice a week then people will be disappointed. That seems like a good way to force myself to be doing something productive.


It's a start!

??? Day 1: Programming is easy, content is hard

I need to learn how to draw "well enough" to start. 

I spent a few hours today with my tablet, Photoshop, and a crapton of shitty Conversation Hearts. (And no plan!) 

――― I learned the basics of wire-framing and faces for sketching. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm any good at that, I just practiced a lot.

 ...I'll get there someday, so I'm fine with that. 

――― I have a possible main character design. He came out a lot more feminine than I planned, but I think this is actually a good thing. And not just because he's a child.

――― I'm learning how undeveloped this particular idea is. Or, rather, I didn't really realize how much goes into a single game, content-wise. I don't have a title, any names, or a specific set of level ideas. Just a story frame, the premise, and the characters. 

――― I think I have a nice music playlist for this (I call it "Calm"). The Kanon, Air, and CLANNAD soundtracks came through for me today!

――― I feel my confidence rising already! I think diving right in was a good approach. 

――― I ought to come up with a title soon, That should help cement its identity. 

The Power of the Deadline

I've had quite a few game ideas for a while now, but my artistic ineptitude has routinely kept me from starting anything. I've been stuck with "easy-to-implement test games" which I very quickly lost motivation for.

"Everything looks better up in my head so I'll keep it all up there."

This stupid mindset had several terrible effects on my productivity and self-esteem. I could never properly express myself. I got angry at myself for not following my dreams.

"What good are these stories if I can't do anything with them."
"I have a bunch of skills that don't help me."
"If I can't draw, I'll never be a good game director."
"All I have are ideas."

Of course, the same goes for writing. My writing skill is limited and I only really feel comfortable writing in a particular type of voice (not one suited for scriptwriting or storyboarding, mind you).

So, nothing ever really got done with these ideas. I couldn't even accurately convey them to other people. Somehow, my self-worth got tied to these stories, so you can probably guess the effects of all of that.

In short, I was lonely and unfulfilled.

This semester, I decided I wanted to do something about it. It wasn't a strong conviction or anything. Actually, I think it was a rather weak sentiment, more useless than a New Year's Resolution.

"I want to make one of these games."

I didn't have a plan. Really, the only shred of hope I had was this Game Programming class I registered for. Even then, it wouldn't even really help me conquer my obstacles: this course focuses on CS topics like AI, Networking, scripting, and engines... stuff that would only be valuable knowledge for me if I ever got past the drawing board.

I've only had one class and I think this might be a turning point in my life.

My first day of this Game Programming class has already inspired me to start and we haven't even learned anything yet. We mostly talked about our final project: a complete video game. I think the presence of a hard deadline and the promise of regular checkpoint evaluations has given me the inspiration to get started. The game isn't due until May something-th, but for once I want to dive right in.

I don't have a romantic story about how I started making games. It's almost kind of lame if you think about it. I haven't broken through any limits to get here. No magical revelations, no life-changing pep-talks, no once-in-a-lifetime opportunities.

Only a deadline.

...And as for those obstacles, I intend to break the fuck through them with sheer will.

Let's get started.

I want to make video games for a living.

I'm going to use this blog to organize my thoughts, design philosophies, and inspirations.

So, let's talk games.