I wrote this shitpost on FFR back in 2017. Reposting it here for posterity:
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From the creators of cult classics Big Top Bangeroo and Velma Gets Spooked:
Meet 'n Fuck Office Romance
Creator: VadimGoD (newgrounds.com)
Overview
Our hero, Phillip, works at a company with a hot boss, Ms. Pumpkins (yes, really). He jerks it to her in his cubicle everyday.
One day she calls him to her office. "Am I fired?" he asks. "No," she replies. "I need you to run an errand for me. In the library."
Not wanting to lose his job, Phillip goes to the library to find the requested documentation.
"Were you looking for this?" a voice calls to him from behind.
It's Ms. Pumpkins.
"I noticed you staring at my massive tits in the office just now. Do you wanna feel them?"
Thus begins the timeless story of a man and a woman fighting against all odds to find true love............
(they fuck a lot and then it ends)
Random Thoughts
Art
So the first thing you need to know about this game is that the art is directly stolen from an actual eroge, Empress's Cleavage. It is just shittily animated (read: tweened) to give the illusion of fucking.
With that aside, the art is actually rather nice.
Game Design
The game is unisequential, meaning that there is only one path from start to finish, excluding the path where you close the game, delete your browser history, and throw your computer in a dumpster fire.
There are two forms of interaction:
1) Choosing dialogue from a list of choices, and
2) Fondling Ms. Pumpkins during the sex scenes.
If you select the wrong dialogue option, you are given more chances to try again until you get it right. (i.e. you are unable to deviate from the "true" path defined by the developer(s))
Sound
There are three songs, and a fuckton of moaning sound effects. That's it.
Capitalist Allegory
Meet n' Fuck: Office Romance clearly adopts an anti-capitalist stance. Specifically, it draws on themes described by Marxist communism.
These themes are the following:
1) The lack of social mobility for the proletariat,
2) The dependence of the proletariat on the bourgeoisie, and
3) The lack of agency of the proletariat.
Let us revisit the actors of our tale:
*Phillip, the hard working, yet naive, proletariat, employed by:
*Ms. Pumpkins, the exploitative and arrogant bourgeoisie.
Let us now walk through the story through the lens of Marxist theory.
The story begins with Phillip in his office. We can tell by his surroundings that he is a hard worker -- he's been long-employed and is a trusted member of the community of the office. But he is still a slave to the computer.
He daydreams of fucking Ms. Pumpkins while sucking on her titties. There are a few interpretations of this scenario we may make right off the bat:
*Phillip desires revolution, a shift in the power dynamic between the two of them,
*Phillip desires the means of production (Ms. Pumpkins's titties), or
*Phillip seeks personal revenge against Ms. Pumpkins (fucking, in this sense, is an act of desecration against the temple of Ms. Pumpkins's body)
What is common across all three of these is the desire for power. Phillip, in his current state, possesses no power over his life's situation. He either works, or he dies. Furthermore, he possesses only his ability to work for the establishment.
But he dreams.
He dreams of the titties.
At this point, Phillip is called into Ms. Pumpkins's office for an errand. This is a mundane scenario. Ms. Pumpkins has a desire, and Phillip fulfills that desire.
Our first reaction to Phillip receiving sexual satisfaction for his work is, "congrats, buddy, you broke through your class designation." But according to VadimGoD, this is folly. We will need to examine the sex scenes specifically to tease out the truth from the illusion.
The first true sex scene of the game is a handjob. Specifically, it is a handjob with him facing away from her ---- a reacharound. This demonstrates a clear power dynamic between the two of them.
Ms. Pumpkins is in control. She is always in control.
Phillip cannot even watch her jerk him off. All he can do is stand and feel it.
The following scene is one in which he fondles her from behind. This is progress, isn't it? Phillip literally seizes the means of production (her titties) for himself.
-----But alas, he is only following her direct instruction.
"I want you to grab my tits."
This makes clear that Phillip is not actually in possession of the means of production. The bourgeoisie is simply allowing him access to it. The titties are hers, even if he's allowed to grope them.
This becomes even more apparent in the following scene, wherein Phillip literally sucks on her tits while she holds his head.
Phillip cannot have tits of his own -- he must suck on hers.
This brilliantly draws upon the Western symbolism of breastfeeding: the mother grants breastmilk, life (in this case, the means of production), to a weak, dependent child.
Phillip is given a brief respite by being allowed to titfuck the means of production, but this is only momentary --- in a matter of seconds, Ms. Pumpkins is in control again. This brief concession of agency is simply a way to keep Phillip running in the hamster wheel. He has tasted success, but she knows that he can never attain it.
"I want you to touch me."
At this point, the user is allowed to fondle any part of Ms. Pumpkins's body to get her hot. Again, Phillip has no real agency here:
1) He is following her direct command, even if doing so slightly benefits him, and
2) The user is required to touch her private parts in a specific order, meaning that this segment is unisequential -> there is no dramatic agency possessed by the player. (That is, you must touch her left tit before her right tit, and only then can you rub her clit.)
From this point on, it's the same story ---- Ms. Pumpkin scripts all of the interactions between her and Phillip. Phillip may only join along for the ride. He never acts upon her. She always acts upon him.
At the end of the story, Phillip reportedly receives a promotion and a pay raise, but his fundamental situation does not change. He is still subservient to Ms. Pumpkins. Presumably forever.
-----Could this outcome have been avoided?
No. Remember, there are plenty of choices presented to the user, but only one of them may actually advance the timeline. That is to say, capitalism (specifically, the American Dream) is attractive because it promises power to those who work hard and make good choices, but in reality, we are all mostly stuck in our own sociopolitical stratum. The choices do not matter.
Phillip will always be the proletariat.
Ms. Pumpkins will always be the bourgeoisie.
Phillip leaves the sexual encounter feeling like he has accomplished something, but he has not. He was being exploited by the bourgeoisie. She used sex to maintain her position of power over him. She used sex to distract him from his dreams of revolution.
This is not true progress.
We can only hope that Phillip realizes his position and revolts against the ruling class. This is a tale for another day, though.
-----Good luck, Phillip. May you someday seize the titty for yourself.
Verdict
Move over, Moby Dick, this is the new allegory to rule them all.
Pants-on rating: Plagiarism/10
Pants-off rating: 3/10
